Poetry to Make Sense of the World

The Line and Composure

The line between perseverence and pride.  When you know that to be successful you must fight through all challenges to carry your idea to fruition, but you also know that such obession is just filling your own sails when the reality may be that the idea just doesn't have it.

Passion drives you, wisdom tempers you.  While remaining open to Divine guidance.

Composure.

-  a calmness or repose especially of mind, bearing, or appearance : self-possession.

Self-Possession.

- control of one's emotions or reactions especially when under stress.

Both desireable qualities.  But what about when Divine guidance suggests that you should not wait for composure, that waiting for composure is an infinite excuse for inertia.

How does this negotiate the line between perseverance and pride?

Sensitive steps to identify your motive.  What it is that you are fighting for?  An essential question of Faith and detachment.  Define your motive and take the plunge.  With passion and wisdom and composure.

Reaction to 'American Taboo'

While at home for Thanksgiving, I looked through my parent's library and picked up American Taboo, by Philip Weiss.  It was about a murder in the Peace Corps and I thought that would be interesting.  My mother said it was a quick read, and she was right.  I was so captivated by the book that I read it every moment that I could and finished it in three days.  I later found out it was only published in August 2004 and that CBS had done a special about it on 48 Hours.  For a synopsis of the book, take a look at the 48 Hours Summary here.

This book touched me in a place where I haven't had feelings in a good while...it touched the raw emotions that I had while I was in Peace Corps in Quetzaltenango, Guatemala from 1997-1999.  That's not exactly right, I have had feelings, but feelings of nostalgia, memories of yesterday.  This book brought out live memories, it made my blood rush, I felt a visceral sense of injustice.  One PCV murdered, another manipulated the system and got away with it.  And the Peace Corps helped him.  I am not exaclty sure why I reacted like this.

On one level, I felt a real connection with the victim.  The book does an excellent job identifying the universal qualities of Peace Corps, there are some experiences that happen everywhere that our culture interacts with another...especially an indigenous culture, be it Mayan or Tongan.  Although I did not know Deborah Gardner, I knew several, and in some ways, I myself was like her.  Peace Corps is where I discovered the joy of life, and I did it by making mistakes, learning, growing.  It was a new world, a free world.  I took down the advice of my father, an RPCV from Paraguay '70-'71...you will only be happy if those around you are happy, it will be a success if those in the community feel you have added value to their lives.  So I opened myself up to the community...Peace Corps, expatriot and Guatemalan.  Each day was exciting because I knew I would learn something new, and learning oftern means making mistakes.  We all make mistakes.  Some people are more vulnerable than others.  Most PCVs carry a little bit of the spirit of Deborah Gardner in them because we all have a special value for companionship, caring, initiative and openness.  When I read the part about how she died, my heart was exposed. 

Part of my reaction was also due to the fact that I also feel a bit of Dennis Priven in me.  The isolation, the intensity, the experience, the process of learning from mistakes.  It causes you to question everything, your beliefs are stripped down and a true system of integrity is constructed.  Also the experience of being different, drawing attention.  You are different and that is what makes you a Peace Corps Volunteer.  This attention can manifest itself as a superstar or as a monster.  Your refuge is within the PC community, where you are just like everyone else...well not really.  Even within PC there are supervols and there are slackers, you are popular or you are a misfit.  We are all of these.  As an American, our culture is a culture of confidence.  When we go to a place where they ask for our help, we can't help but think that we know everything, that our way is the right way.  When I read about Dennis Priven, I see this, I feel this.

My utmost disappointment is in the institution of Peace Corps.  My Peace Corps.  The Peace Corps that I lived.  The Peace Corps that I believed in so much, that I decided to sell it as a Strategic Peace Corps Recruiter while in graduate school,  and did a pretty good job.  My Peace Corps betrayed me as the universal volunteer.  Politics ahead of mission.  "Once out, all out," well I should hope so!  If you do your job the right way, you should have nothing to be afraid of.  My Peace Corps surpressed the press coverage.  My Peace Corps witheld facts, misrepresented the truth and took sides when it had an imperative to remain impartial.  The only moral responsibility was to justice.  My Peace Corps facilitated an injustice.  It hurts me deeply because they broke so many of the principals that we as PCVs were bound to uphold.  I sense that my Peace Corps has grown and learned from its mistakes...and maybe that is why we were bound to uphold them...I hope so.  But also, MY Peace Corps is a governmental corporate agency.  An agency that facilitates so much personal transformation is still a governmental agency, a souless corporation.

The amount of research put into this book is remarkable.  I cannot imagine one actor that the author did not interview or try to interview.  The thorough nature and access to information and evidence is very compelling.  The style of writing is addictive and only has credibility with the participation of the characters, which he has accomplished.  The style of writing, the documentation, the research, effort, it all rings true...some things you read could be true.  This books sings of authenticity.

I am proud that Philip Weiss wrote this book with sincereity, integrity, and patience.  Where it would be easy to cut corners, it does not appear that he did.  Not as difficult as it sounds when the big picture is always in sight...justice.  What is incredible is that the Peace Corps succeeded in burying this story for so long.  The beauty is that in the age of information, that barrier can be easily overcome...and the sense of outrage that comes from an obvious injustice is welcome.  We should be outraged.  If the guy can slip through the cracks of the institutions of justice in our country, it is the citizens who have the responsibility to expose the injustice.  That is the only way that we grow.  The author says that he was driven by the spirit of Deborah Gardner.  I have no doubt that he is.  It is that same spirit that entered the place where I keep my Peace Corps feelings...and shook me awake.

I recommend American Taboo.  For those looking for a murder-mystery, for those who want a glimpse into the inner sanctum of Peace Corps service, for a return to the live memories for RPCVs, for an example of institutional corruption, for the gasp-inspiring detials of injustice, for the match-strike to light the bonfire to signal the demand for justice, may it be served.

For a photo essay collected by Emile Hons of the island of Tonga, then and now please visit The Friends of Tonga website.

For a website dedicated to the memory of fallen peace corps volunteers, including Deborah Gardner, please visit The Fallen Peace Corps Voluneers Memorial Project.

If you have any comments regarding the book, this post or Peace Corps, I welcome your post.

Shock and Awe

Poetry to Make Sense of the World

I have decided to use this space more as a quasi public journal, to be shared with friends and family, to express my thoughts and ideas and with an open invitation for comments and discussion. Here is the first entry.

I understand better what Sam meant when he said that he felt like it was another 9/11. Shock. And I don’t really think that it is a shock that Bush won…the polls had predicted it would be 51-48, that is not surprising. It is a confluence of events, Renqhists’ cancer, Republican control of the senate, more than anything, the religious right’s sense of a mandate. The fundamentalists are what gave this election to Bush and they will expect things in return and he has shown that he will repay their loyalty. He is not a uniter, he is a divider. You can see now the whole strategy that began with the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage…it was a farce, a ruse to get the subject out in the open, to scare people into going to the poles. A feel bad for the gay people in America that were used as pawns for his re-election.

I fear for the people that they will use while they are in power.

I think that the world could distinguish between Bush, the candidate who basically bought the 2000 election with the Supreme Court, and the American people. Iraq was Bush’s war. But now that the American people have elected him outright, there is no longer a distinguished line between them…and now, I feel like we are less safe because of it.

We are in the beginning steps of loosing stability as a democracy. Gridlock gave us stability and we grew powerful at the same time, we became the only superpower and the prime driver of the world’s economy. The religious right wanted to be the driver of this big SUV we call America, and the strategy they used to wrangle control of the steering wheel is to divide us. We will be less stable now, more anger, more cutthroat. One the one hand it is good because people will be more involved, but it will costs us in Unity. The world respected us because of our stability, they will no longer respect us for that, and they will have less faith in us as the driver of the world’s economy…and we will slowly, or rapidly fall back down to being another member of the world community, and not the lone superpower…and maybe that will be a blessing as well.

God’s will be done.

Go Slow to Learn Fast

It makes sense when you think of it, but without use, I tend to forget things, even core values. It comes back immediately, like riding a bicycle, but you have to retrieve that file and move it from long-term to short-term storage.

The value that I am referring to, is a wise piece of knowledge...you can't make people learn things, you have to teach them to want to learn...by example. Sometimes, you want it so bad, that you for get that. But the more that you force it, the less that person wants to learn what you are trying to teach. It doesn't have anything to do with the nature of the lesson, but the process of delivery.

But you get so wrapped up in proving the point, that you can't see the harm that you are doing in the meantime.

Like most things, it comes back to patience and faith. Patience, that these things don't happen on our timetable. Faith in that at some point it will happen, it will click.

Unfortunately, sometimes you have to do damage (to the other party and/or to yourself) to realize that you are not being patient, or having enough faith in the process.

Hopefully humility and sincerity will be enough to merit forgiveness.

Detachment

Whirlpool of emotions
topped with media saturation
I am done
watching

God's efficient Plan...
evil versus evil

It is a struggle for detachment
when it affects ME!
The process begins with recognition.

Too weak to watch...
not strong enough to turn away.

A conscious return to discipline,
to pick up on my Conversation
and leave this netherworld behind.

Filhos de Ghandi

Mohandas Ghandi organized the independence of India from the British through non-violent protest. This man of great integrity earned the respect of the people of India, attaining the title of Mahatma (Great Soul), by practicing what he said and thoughtfully saying what his conscious dictated, guided my moral principle.

His priority was the wellbeing of a group of people, Indians, and was willing to sacrifice himself so that people would arise above the brutal instincts of violence. The people viewed him as a sage, his words as wise, and with such respect that they followed his advice. They overcame violent urges against an imperial occupier AND the confrontational instincts of two religions. Following Ghandi's words, they achieved their goal.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. led the Civil Rights Movement in the United States through non-violent civil disobedience, like Ghandi, to highlight the injustices of the legal system. His movement was against a system that judged people based on their culture and the color of their skin.

The civil rights movement and discrimination based on race and culture exists today and will continue to exist for generations, until the wisdom of tolerance is proven to everybody. There is much work to be done.

It is signifcant that both men were deeply religious.

Where is the Ghandi or MLK, Jr. of today?

Our world is facing an economic descrimination. Powerful corporations, working in their own self interest, willingly or ignorantly deny economic opportunity to others. The scene is reminiscent of the US in the 1920s, but certainly not limited to this country. We are bound by the best interest of the "shareholder".

Whereas Ghandi and MLK, Jr. represented groups that were easily identyfiable and had the ability to be organized, the economically oppressed do not share such characteristics. In fact, many Indians and African-Ameircans fall in this category. They are common in their access to numbers, or their lack thereof. Limited by access to information, by those who control information and use it for their gain.

Where is the leader with such grace and eloquence, calm determination, moral integrity, where is the leader that can unite the world? What is the form of non-violent civil disobedience that can highlight an injust system? What can you do in an active fashion to promote the kind of society that you desire, to be the change you want to see, as Ghandi said.

Three out of Four

In 2002, there were 7.7 marriages for every 1,000 people in North Carolina, according to statistics from the North Carolina State Center for Health Statistics. That same year, there were 4.4 divorces for every 1,000 people.

In Forsyth County in 2002, the rate was 6.5 marriages and 4.9 divorces for every 1,000 people.

Looked at another way, there were 2,046 marriages in Forsyth in 2002, and 1,547 divorces.

According to these numbers, 76% of marriages in Forsyth County end in divorce.

Is this an indicator that people have a lack of faith in their spouses?

Lack of faith in the government, lack of faith in your neighbor, lack of faith in yourself?

Are these the indicators of a spiritually bancrupt society?

What does it say when someone would rather spend their time watching reality television shows that reward greed and self preservation, like The Apprentice, than spend time helping out a neighbor in need? You're Fired!! Dictated by NBC, GE, the media, multinational corporations, you need this...trust us...because you can't trust yourself. And while our CEO receives a bonus the size of which you may not even conceive, your wellbeing is collateral damage.

Is this how we want to live? Are we too proud to say we have made mistakes? Are we too quick to satisfy our carnal desires and survival instincts? Are we so tied to this material culture that we cannot see that we have a choice? Where do you really fall on Maslow's Heirarchy?

My request is this: ponder why such a spiritually bountiful event as a marriage could be rent asunder 76% of the time.